618,701

the steps of the khao luang caves


never mind having feared getting lost in the forest, thoughts of dying following the wrong trail racing through my head, or the fear of being attacked by, oh, i dunno, snakes (? haha) and taking out my pepper spray at some point. the khao luang cave was worth it.

just seeing the ancient staircase leading down into the cave - ohmygod! it was perfect. it was like an LOTR set - but buddhist! ;p i have never wished for a digital camera more than at that moment. (ok, that could be an exaggeration.)

you take the ancient steps down until you alight on the upper cave floor. once you're down there, the air changes - as with any cave anyway, except, the smell of incense hits you too. as you approach the huge hall the large cave creates, you can almost see elephant shapes in the stalagmites.

you take a few more steps down into the cave hall. and for all the Buddha statues you see, the monks and offerings, it's almost like you're in a regular wat. except that, a few feet above the Buddha heads, bats snicker. shadows cast the rock walls into dark. huge tree roots reach down through the holes in the cave ceiling. and if not for that hole in the ceiling, sunlight wouldn't be able to find its way through.

as always, i wandered farther off and found myself on a path to a smaller alcove. here, watching my steps, the old cobble stones the ancient monks lay on the cave floor show through the packed earth. it got darker and colder and the bats were snickering louder, until i found myself in a dark niche were just one eerie-looking statue sat at the end. the air was heavy, like someone had died there. the smell of incense was overpowering. there were no lights apart from the lit sticks.

to the right, an even older staircase climbed up. it led almost straight up to this alcove's only distant source of light - a hole in the ground above our heads. the staircase was blocked off because it was decaying. but what was striking about it was that the stair handle was shaped into snake heads.

this place was amazing. but also, as truly amazing things are, frightening.

616,245

khao banda-it caves. the intermingling smell of guano and incense. strangely, not that bad.

Only an ignoramus like me would waltz into a Buddhist temple and demand to see caves. Buti na lang, when you’re a tourist, you are allowed mistakes. (Slaps self on forehead.) My apologies to the confused monks. Sayang they couldn't speak english. They could have said something apt but profound, like "What you are searching for is not here" or "Turn back to where you have come from" or "Do not ask where to find 'it', ask first what 'it' is" :-D All in stereotypical breathy-chinese-monk-accent of course. (Never mind that they aren't chinese! I want my cinematic illussions!)

But then, buti na lang din I walk into open doors of any sort. Because behind one door, i found some dubious-looking steps (a dog was lying there blocking the way pa) that led to a cave with golden Buddhas lining the walls. Shafts of afternoon sun slipped through a hole in the ceiling, laying timid fingers on one particular golden statue. And while i took a picture, a monkey straddled the hole's chicken wire cover, casting his shadow on my shot.

I wish they'd left the cave alone. Let it be lit by sunlight rather than flourescent. Let the packed earth lead you to the hidden niches instead of cement. Let the smell of ancient earth and guano and incense be your only companions in the dark. But anyway, despite these attempts, if you let your mind reach back to where this must have began - a line of monks in flaming orange, their robes lit by torches as they watch their steps, descending into their cave sanctuaries - if you imagine it all without the chicken wire and the flourescent and the cement, as it was, the first time someone had been enough of an ignoramus to step into a cave and find a golden buddha illumined by a shaft of sunlight, imagine it then and there is magic.

(oh, and the monkeys were cute too!)

613,939

BTS Asok station

i found myself looking into someone else’s apartment.
It looked warm and cozy. There was a low shelf of books standing haphazardly about. It was all yellows and browns, with flashes of blue from the TV. The sliding glass doors were open, letting the breeze lift the white curtains tentatively. i could imagine just lying by the windows, whiling the friday night out.

looking into someone else's aparment, i found myself looking inwards into the memory of my own little lungga in salcedo.

looking inwards into the memory of my own place, i found myself wanting so much to go back. i missed my book shelf, i missed my rusty yellow fridge, i missed my bike gear gathering dust in the corner, i missed my anorexic sofa-bed, i missed the sun hitting the curtains on slow saturday mornings, i missed the park, i missed by blind ceramic piggy bank, my lunchboxes, the feel of my feet on the floor, the chimes. i missed you. i missed all of you.

next steps

Omigosh! I found it!!
Have you ever thought of going to any of these countries? Ever wished you could just go and find some farm where you could just help and they'd give you food and a place to stay? I found it! I found the way! Even better than those "volunteer" programs where you pay to work.

ALGERIA + ARGENTINA + BELGIUm + BELIZE + BRAZIL + BULGARIA + CAMEROON + CHILE + COSTA RICA + CROATIA + DOMINICA + ECUADOR + FINLAND + FRANCE + FRENCH POLYNESIA + GREECE + HOLLAND + HUNGARY + ICELAND + INDIA + ISRAEL + KENYA + LEBANON + LIBERIA + MALAYSIA + MOLDOVA + NICARAGUA + NIGERIA + NORWAY + PANAMA + PERU + POLAND + PORTUGAL + PUERTO RICO + REPUBLIC OF IRELAND + ROMANIA + RUSSIA + SENEGAL + SINGAPORE + SOUTH AFRICA + SPAIN + SWEDEN + THAILAND + UGANDA + VENEZUELA + WEST INDIES

Sounds kinda baduy when you read through it. But heck, what did you expect? Some 5-star hotel brochure? www.wwoof.org.
can't wait!

++++++++++++

on the opposite end of the mood pole, before i found wwoofing, was researching on that freelance backpacking travel guide idea. it's been done. and it's failed. i could still hope though...

597,713

Just a bit over a month left.

So Bangkok, what have I gotten out of you?

592,144

Soi Cowboy

I remembered what it is i do,
and after a long while, walked a route
i haven't yet.

so i ended up at this strip i'd find still
awake the many 2 a.m.s and 3a.m.s
that i am too.

from my window, it seemed like just a few
neon signs, but down here, feet on
asphalt, it was a revelation.
on the pretext of dinner shopping,
i stood by a bbq stall and watched
the parade.

women in knee-high stilleto boots,
tight cheongsams, bikinis, pekpek skirts,
fishnet blouses, all-white outfits.
cowgirls, school girls and well, bar girls. hehe.
too bad it wasn't my thing.

they milled about in groups
in front of their respective haunts.
they eyed passing men and passing men eyed them.

in the middle of the street, there was woman
who looked older than most of the girls there.
she was seated on a bar stool, a placard framed
between her elbows and knees.
she was wearing too-red blush on and too-red lips.
and she didn't look to happy. i didn't see her
smile at anyone once. i guessed her to be about
50+, and i hoped to God she was a mama-san.
Unless she was just too old to be a prostitute,
so they used her as a signboard na lang :S

585,078

There should be multivitamins to strengthen your immune system against discontent. i mean really, it's like a cold. it comes out of nowhere just when you're vulnerable. and sticks to you like, well, bile in your throat. ugh.

i mean, there you are just walking “home” one night. you think you're fine.
then you pass a noodle shop lit by sickly red and yellow lights. a chinese-looking woman is bent over her noodles. and suddenly, you're in a scene in 2046. You're Tony Leung’s character - surrounded by beautiful things, but pining for the memory of something else.

sniff

571,333

i suprised myself today
and woke up early to head for the pool. the sun, i realize, whether in pools in bangkok or on the shores of bora, casts the same effect on blue water after all. i took a deep breath, and dove in as far as i could, swimming in the silver net of light. Then, straining for the surface, i break out of my funk, gulping clarity and oxygen. finally.

565846

I finally get some cash. So the first thing I do is splurge on fried noodles by the roadside. 25 baht.

A gracious man, maybe in his 40s, motioned me to the makeshift sidewalk table. He had matrona blond hair and the aplomb of a maitre’d in some snooty French restaurant. How could I refuse?

While the sidewalk maitre’d goes behind his stove to prepare my noodles, his daughter, maybe 14, sits behind him and reads mangga. Apparently, her role in this family enterprise is bus girl. As after he fries my noodles, she serves it to me on a plastic plate. Later, he reminds her to give me some water too. (Thanks, i was kind of gagging on the chilis there.)

So i enjoyed my authentic pad thai and enjoyed the view from my VIP table - a man in the middle of the street scrounging in his bag for something, the sky train trundling above us, the indian restaurant inviting people in for Happy Hour, the white dudes looking to get lucky, the thai GROs looking to get luckier.

And after i finish my meal, i manage to fake it that i'm thai.

"Pi ka, thao rai ka?"

and he answers in some thai phrase i of course don't understand.
Haha, i managed to squeeze out two firsts despite this busy week.

560,158

this is bangkok after all,
and in the office, there's this man who
dresses and acts like a woman, and it's
quite common knowledge that she's
already had her peepee cut off.
(note: i used the pronoun "her" without thinking.)

anyway, i just passed her in the comfort room.

and i thought to myself,
"well, that answers my question."

494, 183

i think i'm ready for india now.
7 hours in the 3rd-class coach of a rapid train in mid-day, high summer heat, and you start to doubt your own hygiene.

the americans i was eavesdropping on yesterday said it was the hottest part of summer here in thailand.
and looking desultorily out the train window now, i see it's true. the plains outside are barren and stubbly at best, cracked at worst. guess the people in the train aren't the only ones the heat got to.

the ride is oppressive, so rather than meaure time by endless minutes, i measure passage by the repetition of visual themes.
i know a train station's coming once i see a huge, gold or red wat.
at every other hill, a giant Buddha emerges on the rise.
vendors walk through the aisles in varying combinations of the same elements - larg woman with iced drinks, thin man with rice meals, old woman with dried fish, male child with fruits. (To vary: large woman with fruits, old woman with iced drinks, thin man with fish, etc...)

limestone cliffs break the monotony sometimes, a lone motorcyclist zooming through a plain of green grass, birds swooping across the sky, the occassional idling herd of anorexic cows. but for the most part, the train just keeps dragging itself through the parched land, its engines going hmm-mooo, hmm-mooo.
too.

487, 970

hehe. those climbing lessons come in handy
when you have to scale the guesthouse wall
at 6am so you can catch an early train to bangkok
without having to wake up your hosts.

487, 864

Wat Saphan Hin
(This makes 9 times struck by awe. Well, after taking a bicycle down a highway, terrified of getting side-swiped, and trekking up a 200-foot stone staircase, I’d better be.)

I imagine an old monk more than 700 years ago in the town of Sukhothai. He looks up from his prayers, looking all the way Northwest into the mountains, in the direction of Wat Saphan Hin. And he is assured, despite his worries - the coming warriors, the weakening king, the religious treasures, the women and children - by the image of the giant Buddha, both palms stretched outward, looking out over the kingdom, dispelling all fear.

482, 469

Wat Sri Chum, Sukhothai Historical Park, Sukhothai


Is it possible to be struck with awe so many times over a weekend? Shouldn't one die of awe-overload? I’ve counted eight times since I left Bangkok. Can I be so lucky?

Anyway, sobrang awe-inspiring ng feeling of passing though the narrow mondop passageway and looking up at a Buddha so huge, he looks down at his nose to look at you. And so, to express my awe at him, I knock on his knees – the only part of him I can reach.
They were hollow. Hmm.

P.S. He had huge hands, and if only there wasn't a sign saying "Defense der Monter. Do not climb monument.", i'd have done precisely that and imagined i were Anne Darrow in KingKong. You know, in that scene where she sleeps in King Kong's hand? The one before Big-nose Brody comes to 'make them gulo' and makes the bats attack the ape. Because Buddha in Wat Sri Chum's sitting in exactly the way KingKong was sitting there. Except, well, Buddha's in pedal pushers.

435,872

River Guest House, New Sukhothai, Sukhothai Province

I have the same awe for amazing ruins AND for cozy, little guesthouse rooms.
My room is all I could want from a spare, teakwood house.
Dark wood room, high ceiling, a wide enough space.
Just a plain all-white mattress lying squarely in the middle. Not too soft, not too firm.
Soft, comfy linens that smell clean and fresh.
A quaint kulambo hanging from the ceiling.
A view of the river when I look out the window.
Children laughing in the morning. Monks humming in the evening.
Run by a young and handsome French man..AND his lovely Thai wife.

Where I stay, I realize, is as important to me as where I go.

Nan asks me, “Do you like it?”

“Ooh yes.”

(And so, screw you, charmless Jasmine City deluxe suite. I prefer a charming little, non-airconditioned, cheap guestroom to you. Hmph.)

375,833

Wat Mahathat, Sukhothai Historical Park, Old Sukhothai

You need to walk within the ruins so you can feel the scale of it. How small we are when confronted by mankind’s history. How small we are in front of ancient wisdom, craftsmanship and, more importantly, faith.
Noone builds such great monuments to faith any more. These days, we build 'monuments' to commerce, for governments or personalities. When was the last great church/temple built? And yet megapolis', smart towers, superskyscrapers and 6-star hotels are on their way up every hour.

+++

Why do we love ghosts anyway?
Sukhothai is a ghost town after all. 700-years dead, but we build a gate around it and rent out bikes so people can see the farther corners of it. Here lies another late, great human civilization! Come see your own fate.

Only doves now stand proudly like sentinels on top of the weathered laterite posts, or look out from little niches carved out by time. A lone dog bounded past me to settle behind the Wat Mahathat Buddha’s back, looking out into the setting sun.
We marvel at Old Sukhothai, forgetting that these are just skeletons of what it was. Of course, then, it couldn’t have been as quiet as it is now.

On that note however, I have just noticed how many doves and other kinds of birds are all around Sukhothatai. There are so many of them, that really, sometimes their calls escalate into chaotic, scary, shrieking. And at every site I go to, even if I am the only human there – there are always birds about.
And so I therefore conclude that the old inhabitants of Sukhothai, they were all turned into birds. They weren’t invaded, they were transformed! So they could protect all these monuments.
Or maybe, like homesick ghosts, just keep hanging around.

371, 011

Wat Sa Si, Sukhothai Historical Park, Sukhothai Province, Northern Thailand

My first glimpse of Sukhothai.
The symmetry of the ancient pillars lead your eyes to the giant Buddha
sitting camly in the midst of the lake. And, how apt, I've come late in the day,
but just in time for the setting sun, like a crown of light behind the giant Buddha’s head.

267, 624

Grrrr! The next country I visit will NOT have squat toilets.

264, 418

Wat Phra Sri Ratana Mahathat, Phitsanulok

I wanted to be amazed.
So I left the city and headed for the 700-year old ruins of one of Thailand’s early civilizations – Sukhothai

But even before getting there, I sit stunned at the foot of a more contemporary splendor.
I’m glad I saved my first time to enter a Wat for the Phra Buddha Chinarat. It is the second most important Buddha image in Thailand. It’s important because of something about its form. Something about a bursting halo that turns into serpents, haha.
But of course for me, I was just astounded by the look of everything. That it was gold. That it loomed huge, dominating the whole temple. That it sat against a deep blue that set off its golden hue. That black and gold pillars led you to it, after following a marble path of ivory and black.
And to add to the 'cinematic-ness' of my entry – really, whoever makes these Buddhist temples knows how to make a good first impression on a visitor – I swear, a dove swooped towards me. I stopped dead in my tracks and had to stifle a shriek.

Later, sitting on the floor in front of the Buddha, trying to be unobtrusive to the Thais who were actually worshipping, I figure it must be so annoying for them. This having to pray while ugly white tourists monkey around the temple, crack jokes, laugh out loud and take photos complete with flash.

But I guess, being Buddhist and all, they know how to be unperturbed. They must learn, not just from the golden Buddha with the bursting halo, but from the Mae Nam Nan - the river flowing past the Wat. As I walk back out into the morning sunlight (no diving doves this time) and sit under the shedding trees, I see in the river the same serenity the Thais have - their lives flowing untroubled and calm.

261, 413

Roti Khaeng for breakfast

Since I couldn’t go to KL, I had some muslim food for breakfast instead. Totally serendipitous, I happened on the Pakistani temple while doing my early morning circuit of Phitsanulok. A famous roti-khaeng shop was just a few meters away from it. Both the temple and the shop seemed much farther on the map. Although come to think of it, on a map, everything seems far away. But walking makes everything closer.
OR of course, it could just be that Phitsanulok, like any small town, IS actually small.

I love walking around small towns while it’s still waking up. You see the shops along the (usually) single main road opening one by one. And you see what, to a town, is considered important enough to have its own shop for.

Here in Phitsanulok, they apparently need a lot of cloth. Nothing exotic though, just regular stiff cotton.
Then there are the several optical shops, the obligatory ‘general store’ that carries everything from sandals to sandpaper, a single 7-11 for the whole town, a rice store, a beauty center, a bakery, a few banks.
And as I pass from one food stall to the next, I barely catch familiar scents. From that one by the corner – coriander. From the one just outside the train station – lime. From the one by the market – curry. And a very welcome one over on the left – milk. Going through the market, familiar stalls are being set-up: fruits, meats, vegetables, spices – with their several kinds of dried chili peppers by the bucket.

Then when I sit down to my warm roti, I hear someone - probably the owner’s little girl, somewhere in the back of the shop, doing finger drills on the piano. I recognize it as one of the old ones I used to practice everyday too. This one’s the key of E, over and over again, over and over, until you hit the note strong and true.

I look around, and save for the Thai script in the store signs and the occasional barefoot monk in orange, I could might as well be in Lucena, Legazpi, Camarines, Benguet, or that small town where my piano still sits waiting for me to play it again - Antipolo.

257, 043

Phitsanulok train station, Phitsanulok Province, Northern Thailand
4:30 am.

Caley said that one thing she likes about Thailand is that everybody just lets you be.
When you find yourself laid out on a bench in the train station at 430 am, trying to catch some sleep while waiting for sunlight, you find that it’s true.
Noone even gave me a quizzical look. So I just slept on that bench waiting for a bank to open and for the right time to explore life in a northern town.

256,956

Platform 10. Train #8, Bangkok to Chiang Mai.
Car 10. Seat 39.

The train moves almost imperceptibly at first,
slipping away under you.
Slipping away from some unseen hold.
And looking out, nothing but dark shapes
outside the window, there is nothing
but the motion of the train, lulling you into dreams of escape.

++++

P.S. Yey, here i go for my first long train ride.

P.P.S. Animal predators have eyes set in front of their heads so they can keep their eyes on their prey and pursue them through a distance. Animals low on the food chain have eyes set wide apart so they can scan the horizon and keep an eye out for in-coming predators.
Too bad we’re predators. If our eyes were on either side of our heads, then we could look out the windows on both sides of the train (or plane, boat or whatever) at once. And not miss out on seeing anything.

Hmm, but then we’d look like fish…I guess God made us this way for aesthetic purposes ;p

148,132

45Baht for a quarter-chicken, stir-fried cauliflower and pork, and a pack of deep-fried chicken skin

10Baht for a stick of spicy fish balls

10Baht for hotdog on a stick

10Baht for a silver-blue-pink ellysee

the edible stuff was yummy!
And the ellysee was, is, happy.
Plus with the 1.2 exchange rate, everything was cheaper than Jollijeep even.

i love sidewalk lunch shopping. you literally pick up stuff on your way home.
it's like a drive-through but on feet! hehe.

147, 572

If only those word problems in Math were framed as
travel itineraries, I think i'd have done better in my tests.

If an express train travelling 60mph leaves
Bangkok HuaLamphong station at 21.30 hours,
and an ordinary train travelling 48mph leaves Sawankhalok
station at 0200 hours, is there a point where a
traveller can get off and switch trains?
Assume they are on parallel tracks.

Anyway, if anyone wants to hire a freelance backpacker tour guide, call me.

I will handle all the headache-inducing logistics.
I will figure out the route, how to get there, where to stay, calculate
the cheapest options, align train, plane and boat schedules.
I will pack your backpack if you need me to.
Just pay for my fare and accomodations (which will most probably
be shared anyway).

Instead of watching a movie, I spent the night bent over maps,
bus and trains schedules, figuring out how to get to
Malaysia or Cambodia or Langkawi or Ko Chang
from Bangkok on the cheap(est), just so i'm ready to go the
next time I suddenly have a long weekend.
My back literally aches from poring over maps.
And my head was throbbing. But i enjoyed it! I realized,
I could do this for a living and I'd like it!

i think that makes me a travel planning masochist.

143,338

There’s nothing like A BABY ELEPHANT RIGHT ON THE CITY SIDEWALK (!!!) to make your day - possibly your whole 3-month stay. How could everyone not be amazed?! I wanted to tell everyone “HELLO? Can you not see the elephant right here?! In front of Nuvo Coffee Shop and the digital imaging place? Hello! Everyone! It’s a baby Elephant!!!!”

It was such a perfect set-up. There I was, walking down the BTS station stairs, my eyes down to my feet, mind on the incredibly low prices on the Mac flyer I was reading. And suddenly, there he was. Small but big, and so adorable. His skin was so coarse. It’s like he was a whole piece of rock that was plugged in with big, sad eyes and brought to life. His hair was thick and stood up on its own like a shoe brush. So you couldn’t really pat him. But you know he would like it if you did. He walks towards you with head bowed. His trunk goes to you like arms. And you can't not pay these manipulative, cruel handlers 20Baht to give him a few fruits.

I panicked for a few beats when his trunk raised and started groping the air towards me. Ack! It IS alive, i thought. But he went straight for the veggies. Rather disgustingly, the snout was kind of moist, so you feel like your fingers have been smooched by giant lips. ick. but then, Baby elephant was just too cute. It's been a while since my heart's jumped up my throat.

Besides, he pulled me out. Out of the feeling of routine (and back in Bkk only a day!) and mundanity. Back into a sense of possibility and surprises. And that things extaordinary can still happen as soon as you step on to the sidewalk.

still

NAIA

1
A kind-looking, chubby, young father was toting two big pieces of luggage and a two year old girl.
They sat beside me to wait for boarding.
She was fidgety at first and didn’t want to walk into the rows of seat.
So to goad her on he said,
“Sige na baby, bibisitahin natin si mommy. Nandun sya.."
Then under his breath "..sa malayo.”


2
In the check-in line in front of me, an old, stooped man
with big, sad eyes, turned to me and asked
“Pwede pa bang lumabas pagkatapos nating iwanan
yung bagahe natin?” I didn’t know
so I asked an airport attendant for him.

He was talking to anyone he could because
he was nervous and excited and sad.
It was his first time to fly.
He was excited to get to Bangkok.
Someone had hired him to be a driver.
He wanted to go out and have a last look at everything he had left behind.


3
Here I go again.



(for Dad, from whom i inherited restless feet. March 8, 2006)