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sige na nga -

http://kaladkarinparin.blogspot.com/

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This may be the last entry for a while. In leaving a certain life, you lose certain things. In my case, it’ll be a laptop and internet. Mainly.

There's a lot in Bangkok that I will miss. But then, there’s a lot in Manila that I have missed. I’ll just tell you all about the Angkor trip when I get back. I’m coming home anyway and you are home.

So see you :)

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Cambodia

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Thai side of the border

The sound of so many shuffling feet spans the simple cement bridge. From one border to the other, I walk alongside dark, stooped people, dust clinging to every surface of them. Heavy trucks scatter us, rumbling through like huge, hungry bellies spitting out dust as it eats at the bridge. People subbing for oxen pull wooden carts with their families piled in the back.

I'm thinking, If I were going to shoot this, I’d tell the cinematographer to burn the film, make a searing, almost completely whited-out, blinding lightscape.
Then i'd throw hot sand at the audience.

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So i was looking out the bus and i saw this strange road sign - a single deer running, it seems, away from fire.

Still not over that one, another strange road sign rolls past – AMAZING MOUND. Ana naman kaya yun?

And before I can get over that one, an abandoned gas station quickly follows, filled with old-model refrigerators and washing machines. All neatly lined up as if in a showroom, where cars should have been lining up to fill up. How did that happen? Someone left his old ref – oh, we don’t have storage, let’s just leave it at the old gas station - and everyone else just did the same thing?

Times like these I wish I had a digicam.
If only there were a way to rip images from out of your mind.

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along Sukhumvit

a man sits by his make-shift table of chunky chrome watches and heavy silver bracelets. To appeal to the international mix of passers-by, he peddles a promise that cuts across cultures. "Bling-bling!", he calls out. "Bling bling!"

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On Easter Sunday, I finally make it to a catholic church with an English mass. How’d I manage to find it despite reading the map wrong? At the BTS station, I heard a woman go “Ay, anak ng tipaklong naman o!” No kidding. So after that, I just followed the Filipinos.

+++++++

And my 2046 moment

You know what they say, go to a far-away place and whisper your secret into a little hole. I did that today, Easter Sunday, with my first confession in quite a long time. I always come back, for some reason, on Easter. I find myself singing happily on easter morning, sharing in the joy of redemption.

Today, I am redeemed because I finally admitted it. In this situation, I can save my self and reach for my own joy. So now, I feel redeemed/reborn and have finally come to a decision. My next steps will take me home.

(Well, after Angkor Wat, Chiang Mai and the Andaman Coast, haha.)

See you in 5 weeks! : )

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Wat Pho, peace, security and the stay-put Buddha


At Wat Phra Kaew, you see the utmost expression of the Thai fondness for jewels and gold leaf. At Wat Pho, you see their fondness for embelishment and, er, swimming pool tiles. Four stupas at Wat Pho are tiled, foot to pinnacle by ceramic tiles and roses. It's prettier than you'd think.

As opposed to the Grand Palace, walking around Wat Pho was pleasant. Lacking huge, blinding structures, it sprawls rather than intimidates. And the air today was more like a fair than a tourist show. There's lots to do for the Sunday worshipper - create mini sand stupas and top them with roses. Line up for a blessing from a monk seated on a high chair.
One mother approached and whispered something to the old, robed man. He looked away, seemingly thinking really deep. Then started to fumble around in a secret pocket. It took quite a while for him to extract whatever it was, so a small crowd gathered to find out what he'd reveal. Finally, he carefully slipped out a..business card, and handed it to the mother, pointing out certain things on it. Could that have been the number of a good stock broker? Is that what they meant by getting a secure and peaceful life? Should i have lined up as well?
Anyway, one could also sound a gong, meander from food stall to food stall, pour oil on the Buddha of your choice or just sit back and enjoy the canned music in the air.

I chose to see the enormous Reclining Buddha.
To impress talaga, all you have to be is reeeaaallly huuge. You can't just be big. No, that falls short of inspiring awe. You have to be 153 feet long and 50 feet high. Then you have to be lying on your side. Like a senorita about to siesta. That way, it's like you don't care. And so people get even more impressed. I of course thought, well, a big man must have big feet. So i took a look. Well, yes, they were big. Inlaid with mother of pearl too. But intact. Which means he doesn't walk around much. Pah.

What grabbed me was a constant many-clinkings sound coming from somewhere in the hall. It turns out, behind the Buddha, there is a line of 100 black bowls. There was a line of people parallel to the bowls, dropping a little coin into each one, careful not to skip. I joined them. I had no idea what it was for, but it was nice and therapeutic. I felt part of a community. I felt an affinity for everyone in my line. So much so that when the girl in front of me used up her coins I offered her some of mine. I liked the thought that I was contributing to the sound of many little coins falling into many little bowls.

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Welcome to the Royal Grand Palace

So i finally joined the parade of tourists filing in.
I used up a roll of film. I squinted up at the sparkly pillars and walls. I shuffled in to see the Emerald Budhha (725,688). I elbowed through the mildew-smelling throng.

It was ok.

On my way out, i saw a Tourism Authority of Thailand poster touting a tour of nine city temples. Their enticement - if you go to a temple, you get a certain blessing. As I'd been to Wat Phra Kaew already, I apparently got purity and an enhanced mind. Thanks!

Tamang-tama, I was on my way to Wat Pho. So I'd be getting a peaceful and secure life. Just what I want right now, haha.

And maybe tomorrow - Wat Arun, for prosperity. Always was low on my priorities.

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you're walking down a street in a strange country.
a policeman yells at you in a language you don't understand.
he waves you behind an invisible line. when you walk forward, he signals 'stop' firmly, with an open palm.

you look around.
there are a lot of other policeman herding people into a dense crowd along the sidewalk.
you ask "why?" aloud. stupid. they can't understand you.
so you step up to the front of the massed crowd. is it a goverment-sanctioned drive-by shooting? are they hosing down dirty tourists? will they pick out random human specimens?

oh.
a beige(:S!) rolls royce drives by. silence. the policemen salute. a few thais wave feebly. a glimpse of black hair. it drives past (the car not the black hair, although the black hair was in the car). the crowd disperses, unmoved. long live the beige rolls royce.

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Little Lebanon again

at a busy corner, who would've thought that mulitple layers of sounds and scents and images could not end up as noise? but rather, as a rich, pleasant accompaniment to dinner.
(lentils - yum!)

+++++

on a different note, it's so common to see elephants on the street now. i'm still surprised at each encounter. they're like creatures who escaped from lucid dreams, disappearing into little alleys or emerging from behind a crowd. they are still wonders for me too, but now i see instead, how sad they seem - slow-moving against the cars, standing among gawking tourists. They are somewhere they don't belong. And who can't relate to that feeling?

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Wat Maha That Ruins, Ayutthaya, Central Thailand

Point of discussion:

So when Pinoys want to look to something - a concrete site, a built place or object - to imbibe pride in their race, their history, their culture, what's to look at?

Off the top of my head, Intramuros - but doesn't it just remind us of 300+ years of Spanish colonization?
The Banaue Rice Terraces? Possibly. But somehow I can't relate because I'm not Ifugao (i know, mababaw).
Angono cave paintings? But everyone did that!

I envy the Thais their ruins. Not because it's a major international tourist attraction that earns them a lot of money, but because they have a quick reminder of their struggles as a race, and what greatness their ancestors - and so they - are capable of. Imagine, to have built these wonders in the 1400s. What were we doing then? Not that our culture failed to flourish through our own fault (yes, blame others, haha). but i realize that it's not just now, as i've already noted, in infrastructure, malls and international act concerts where "napag-iwanan tayo." Even then it seems, 600 years ago, our Asian neighbors were ahead.

Ack, this is a depressing thought. I'll stop now.
So we're a young, evolving culture, there are advantages to that. Right?

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Baan Kun Phra, Ayutthaya, Central Thailand

If, like me, you are a sucker for
big, old bedrooms with four-poster beds, dark cabinets and antique lamps
balconies overlooking the languid river
lazy, luscious meals shaded from the sun
the sound of bare feet padding on waxed, teak floors
Norah Jones wafting through the shut door
(and anonymous oil portraits, haha)
then you must absolutely stay overnight here if you need a couple of days to see the ayutthaya ruins.

While we whiled the hot afternoon away, there were children laughing-tripping into the river, monks talking among themselves on the opposite bank and some unidentified bird pecking away at the sun-washed floor.

the restaurant had equally tasteful furniture and food. i had the yummiest, most delicate-flavored chicken and galangal in cocounut milk here. and the rice came star-shaped, haha.
plus, just to show the attention to detail here, the shared bathrooms had hot water, a mirror that makes you look thinner (love that!) and free body wash and shampoo. a generous touch for a hostel.

i know that i have a tendency to romanticize things. but this place, well, it really is just so lovely.
(but alright, fine, nobody's perfect. pray na lang that you don't get noisy next-room neighbors.)

++++++++++++

And my Mathilde moment

If he comes in by “shoot the moon”…
And he did, right smack in the middle of the song :-)

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double cheeseburger evilness

i'm ashamed to admit this, but really, this has been my most satisfying meal in ages!

the tastes of home talaga take many suprising dimensions, i didn't even know i'd missed this. and for all the flack this American franchise gets, i'm thankful that there's a Mcconstant in wherever strange country i find myself in.

one of my frustrations with being uprooted is not knowing where to fulfill very specific cravings. like where do i go for good burritos? Or a good old filipino breakfast like adobo and fried egg? Or even just a simple olive-oil pasta?

however, there will always be only one place for fried cholesterol patties with pickles, onion and cheese. and for that, here's to you pasty-faced, red-haired, scary clown man!

kitakits! :)

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the thing about being a grown-up is when you break something, you have to fix it.

the good thing about being in a serviced apartment is when you find somehow break the shower, you just have to dial a number, whine, then someone comes and fixes the thing for you.
You pig out and dirty all the dishes. And someone cleans up after you the next day.
You leave incense sticks to crumble to icky ash. And the next day someone brushes it off the table for you.

E’s car got towed today. And she had to get it back herself, pay for it herself, drive it out herself. (Well, she parked it in the wrong space herself, that’s why it got towed, hehe). D’s bike got a flat kilometers from home and he fixed it himself, re-chained it himself and biked it all the way home.

When nobody knows you in the office, you can not show up for internals, not come up with ideas, heck, even not go to work. And nobody holds you accountable for anything.

Accountability, it’s such a grown-up concept.
And no fun.

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the steps of the khao luang caves


never mind having feared getting lost in the forest, thoughts of dying following the wrong trail racing through my head, or the fear of being attacked by, oh, i dunno, snakes (? haha) and taking out my pepper spray at some point. the khao luang cave was worth it.

just seeing the ancient staircase leading down into the cave - ohmygod! it was perfect. it was like an LOTR set - but buddhist! ;p i have never wished for a digital camera more than at that moment. (ok, that could be an exaggeration.)

you take the ancient steps down until you alight on the upper cave floor. once you're down there, the air changes - as with any cave anyway, except, the smell of incense hits you too. as you approach the huge hall the large cave creates, you can almost see elephant shapes in the stalagmites.

you take a few more steps down into the cave hall. and for all the Buddha statues you see, the monks and offerings, it's almost like you're in a regular wat. except that, a few feet above the Buddha heads, bats snicker. shadows cast the rock walls into dark. huge tree roots reach down through the holes in the cave ceiling. and if not for that hole in the ceiling, sunlight wouldn't be able to find its way through.

as always, i wandered farther off and found myself on a path to a smaller alcove. here, watching my steps, the old cobble stones the ancient monks lay on the cave floor show through the packed earth. it got darker and colder and the bats were snickering louder, until i found myself in a dark niche were just one eerie-looking statue sat at the end. the air was heavy, like someone had died there. the smell of incense was overpowering. there were no lights apart from the lit sticks.

to the right, an even older staircase climbed up. it led almost straight up to this alcove's only distant source of light - a hole in the ground above our heads. the staircase was blocked off because it was decaying. but what was striking about it was that the stair handle was shaped into snake heads.

this place was amazing. but also, as truly amazing things are, frightening.

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khao banda-it caves. the intermingling smell of guano and incense. strangely, not that bad.

Only an ignoramus like me would waltz into a Buddhist temple and demand to see caves. Buti na lang, when you’re a tourist, you are allowed mistakes. (Slaps self on forehead.) My apologies to the confused monks. Sayang they couldn't speak english. They could have said something apt but profound, like "What you are searching for is not here" or "Turn back to where you have come from" or "Do not ask where to find 'it', ask first what 'it' is" :-D All in stereotypical breathy-chinese-monk-accent of course. (Never mind that they aren't chinese! I want my cinematic illussions!)

But then, buti na lang din I walk into open doors of any sort. Because behind one door, i found some dubious-looking steps (a dog was lying there blocking the way pa) that led to a cave with golden Buddhas lining the walls. Shafts of afternoon sun slipped through a hole in the ceiling, laying timid fingers on one particular golden statue. And while i took a picture, a monkey straddled the hole's chicken wire cover, casting his shadow on my shot.

I wish they'd left the cave alone. Let it be lit by sunlight rather than flourescent. Let the packed earth lead you to the hidden niches instead of cement. Let the smell of ancient earth and guano and incense be your only companions in the dark. But anyway, despite these attempts, if you let your mind reach back to where this must have began - a line of monks in flaming orange, their robes lit by torches as they watch their steps, descending into their cave sanctuaries - if you imagine it all without the chicken wire and the flourescent and the cement, as it was, the first time someone had been enough of an ignoramus to step into a cave and find a golden buddha illumined by a shaft of sunlight, imagine it then and there is magic.

(oh, and the monkeys were cute too!)

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BTS Asok station

i found myself looking into someone else’s apartment.
It looked warm and cozy. There was a low shelf of books standing haphazardly about. It was all yellows and browns, with flashes of blue from the TV. The sliding glass doors were open, letting the breeze lift the white curtains tentatively. i could imagine just lying by the windows, whiling the friday night out.

looking into someone else's aparment, i found myself looking inwards into the memory of my own little lungga in salcedo.

looking inwards into the memory of my own place, i found myself wanting so much to go back. i missed my book shelf, i missed my rusty yellow fridge, i missed my bike gear gathering dust in the corner, i missed my anorexic sofa-bed, i missed the sun hitting the curtains on slow saturday mornings, i missed the park, i missed by blind ceramic piggy bank, my lunchboxes, the feel of my feet on the floor, the chimes. i missed you. i missed all of you.

next steps

Omigosh! I found it!!
Have you ever thought of going to any of these countries? Ever wished you could just go and find some farm where you could just help and they'd give you food and a place to stay? I found it! I found the way! Even better than those "volunteer" programs where you pay to work.

ALGERIA + ARGENTINA + BELGIUm + BELIZE + BRAZIL + BULGARIA + CAMEROON + CHILE + COSTA RICA + CROATIA + DOMINICA + ECUADOR + FINLAND + FRANCE + FRENCH POLYNESIA + GREECE + HOLLAND + HUNGARY + ICELAND + INDIA + ISRAEL + KENYA + LEBANON + LIBERIA + MALAYSIA + MOLDOVA + NICARAGUA + NIGERIA + NORWAY + PANAMA + PERU + POLAND + PORTUGAL + PUERTO RICO + REPUBLIC OF IRELAND + ROMANIA + RUSSIA + SENEGAL + SINGAPORE + SOUTH AFRICA + SPAIN + SWEDEN + THAILAND + UGANDA + VENEZUELA + WEST INDIES

Sounds kinda baduy when you read through it. But heck, what did you expect? Some 5-star hotel brochure? www.wwoof.org.
can't wait!

++++++++++++

on the opposite end of the mood pole, before i found wwoofing, was researching on that freelance backpacking travel guide idea. it's been done. and it's failed. i could still hope though...

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Just a bit over a month left.

So Bangkok, what have I gotten out of you?

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Soi Cowboy

I remembered what it is i do,
and after a long while, walked a route
i haven't yet.

so i ended up at this strip i'd find still
awake the many 2 a.m.s and 3a.m.s
that i am too.

from my window, it seemed like just a few
neon signs, but down here, feet on
asphalt, it was a revelation.
on the pretext of dinner shopping,
i stood by a bbq stall and watched
the parade.

women in knee-high stilleto boots,
tight cheongsams, bikinis, pekpek skirts,
fishnet blouses, all-white outfits.
cowgirls, school girls and well, bar girls. hehe.
too bad it wasn't my thing.

they milled about in groups
in front of their respective haunts.
they eyed passing men and passing men eyed them.

in the middle of the street, there was woman
who looked older than most of the girls there.
she was seated on a bar stool, a placard framed
between her elbows and knees.
she was wearing too-red blush on and too-red lips.
and she didn't look to happy. i didn't see her
smile at anyone once. i guessed her to be about
50+, and i hoped to God she was a mama-san.
Unless she was just too old to be a prostitute,
so they used her as a signboard na lang :S